when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need a burrito and a hug.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
