It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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