Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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