I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
