It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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