I like my sex mixed with concussions.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
