Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
