Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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