I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
