Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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