I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
