He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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