I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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