I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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