we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
