It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
