You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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