Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
