Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
