I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
