Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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