Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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