Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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