Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
