So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
