Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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