I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
