You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Randomize
