I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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