i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize