I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
