Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
