hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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