she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
