if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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