in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
