ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
