Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
