i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
