what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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