My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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