if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
