Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
