That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
