Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
