I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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