yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
