We're facebook friends in real life
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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