Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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