i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm at about main and main street
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
