my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize