he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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