my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
