I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
