did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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