i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
