dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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