Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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