biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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