I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize