I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
