OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
