I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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