There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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