I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
