His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
