I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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