I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
