New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
