please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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