if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
