I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I want is dick and wine.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
