It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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