he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
