Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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