I love black thongs
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
