I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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