while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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