Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
