eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
