You're completely useless in the revolution.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
