guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
