Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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