my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
