the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
