Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
