She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
