She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
