I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
