imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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