His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
