dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
