I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
