Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
