How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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